I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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