im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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