can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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