My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
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