I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
