He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Randomize
