the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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