I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Randomize
