He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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