Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Please don't give away my fajitas
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