Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Randomize
