think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
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