You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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