I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
