Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Randomize
