you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Randomize
