I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
