So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
