i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
