she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
