I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
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