Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
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You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
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look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
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