Rock
Scissors
Fuck
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
