My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I wear drunk well.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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