every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
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