She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
