My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
