Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
this will be a night to untag.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
