He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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