I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Sorry about my life...
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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