Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
