eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
