Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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