Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
