Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Randomize
