the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
