My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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