Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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