i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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