apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Randomize
