If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
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