Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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