he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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