Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
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