Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
