Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
im holly from the hills drunk
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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