Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
