i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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