I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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