i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
