I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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