You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
