textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
