I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
