also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
