if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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