Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
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