She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
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