Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
