he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
