WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
