I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Randomize
