found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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