Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
