Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
