I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
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So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
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Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
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