Porn is love you can see.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Randomize
