Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
