I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
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