dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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