I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
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