I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
