i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
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