y did u give ur computer a hand job?
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Randomize
