Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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